Sherrie's Blog

<p>in order to study Moses and what we can learn from him, we must remember that his struggles were evidence of something deeper that must be dealt with. We&#8217;re going to look at the first part of his life prior to adoption and discover that his painful past doesn&#8217;t surface as memories of the past, but reactions to current life events.<br /> Usually, the reactions are OVER-REACTIONS to current day events. As a friend of mine says, &#8220;Adoptees have an exclamatio

<p>Why do many of us see life through a lens of rejection? Why do unanswered phone calls, emails, and letters spell R-E-J-E-C-T-I-O-N to us? Will we ever get over it? Why is our self-esteem not low, but non-existent? Why do we try to be like others instead of being ourselves? Do we even know who we are? Why are we afraid we’ll be too much to handle and why are goodbye’s so difficult? Why do we have meltdowns on birthdays when everyone is kind? Why aren’t their efforts ever en

<p>During this COVID-19 crisis, remind your child that it is alright to express overwhelming feelings. It is not only all right, but it is crucial if she is to be healthy and whole. But as you give your child permission to express herself, also teach her that obnoxious behavior for its own sake is futile. Validate her feelings, but don&#8217;t let her &#8220;run the show&#8221; in your home. Rather, be the parent in a loving, strong way. This will help her to keep moving on t

<p>And so at birth, love mingled with loss, like water and oil. This combination waged war inside me, from birth onward. Avoid abandonment at all costs and seek love no matter whom the giver. Loss sent me on a lifetime quest to find freedom from deeply-embedded fears of abandonment that warred against my ability to receive love.</p>

<p>It seems the world has flipped upside down with the Corona virus. What makes this a doubly-critical time for adoptees and foster kids is that the crisis reflects our raw reality&#8211;everything familiar was lost when our first parents (or second or third) signed relinquishment papers and we were removed. More than anything right now, adopted kids need to be reminded that even though the world changes, the love of their parents never does. Sherrie offers a metaphor to use

<p><!-- wp:paragraph --></p> <p>It&#8217;s such a basic need of adopted kids to have connection, with you, friends, and other family members. But, we&#8217;re all called to social distancing, which may be incredibly difficult for adopted kids.</p> <p><!-- /wp:paragraph --></p> <p><!-- wp:paragraph --></p> <p>I&#8217;m going to share three ideas here that speak to this need of adopted kids. I&#8217;m hesitant to share, for it seems terribly simplistic and I&#8217;m sure you&#8

<p>How I wish mom and I knew about what will be shared . We would have been freed from the war between us and enjoyed an intimate parent/child relationship that only comes from tough self-examination of both child and parent.<br /> </p>

<p>I couldn&#8217;t believe it when This Is Us&#8217;s Randall wore a ski cap to the event that Kevin took their mom to! Of course, he and Kevin were in an all-out battle about who could take better care of their aging mom, as dementia set in. The scene of Kevin taking his mom to the [&hellip;]</p>

<p>It’s painful to enter into your child’s suffering. It’s so much easier to assume that all is well inside your child, especially if she hasn’t manifested any obvious problems. But all adopted children have been wounded, simply because they experienced a profound loss before they were embraced by their new family. The first thing your child wants you to know is this: I am a grieving child. I came to you because of loss—one that was not your fault and that you can’t erase

<p><!-- wp:paragraph --></p> <p>Imagine an adoptive mom hiding behind a velvet curtain backstage in the world of adoption. She’s wrapped in that curtain, but why?&nbsp;&nbsp;</p> <p><!-- /wp:paragraph --></p> <p><!-- wp:paragraph --></p> <p>What if we went behind the curtains and led her center stage? Without a doubt, the mom would resist the spotlight. The spotlight is repugnant, for she darn well doesn’t need any more comments about how brave and special she is to take on c

<p><!-- wp:paragraph --></p> <p>Without a doubt, your level of fatigue is off the charts and I don’t want you to feel like these 20 strategies are one more thing you must do. Far from it. Read a few pages, or even just one, even if you have to seclude yourself from screaming kids in the bathroom.</p> <p><!-- /wp:paragraph --></p> <p><!-- wp:paragraph --></p> <p>I promise to meet you there but I must warn you that this book will not be a feel-good read. No warm fuzzies or hear

<p><!-- wp:paragraph --></p> <p>&nbsp;When a mom is suffering compassion fatigue, she <em>can&#8217;t stop </em>trying to help her child. It&#8217;s like banging her head against a brick wall. It hurts, but she can&#8217;t stop. This is called repetition compulsion.</p> <p><!-- /wp:paragraph --></p> <p><!-- wp:paragraph --></p> <p>This mom may say, &#8220;If I try again, surely my child will respond.&#8221; And so, these moms operate out of fear. <em>What if I can&#8217;t mee

<p>Randall is running to try to keep his sanity, but inside, he is screaming bloody murder. His friends, colleagues, and wife could see what was happening but he wouldn&#8217;t listen, wouldn&#8217;t connect. The longer the program went on, the more the pressures that came to bear on Randall and he began having insomnia and bad [&hellip;]</p>

<p>When your child connects with you for the first time, he brings with him all the “faces” of other moms that were in your role before. So, if your child is a newborn, it is the first mom’s face. If a school-age child removed to foster care, the first mom’s face. If a teen coming from multiple failed placements, she sees all the mom faces before her.</p>

<p>Randall was the first to notice memory problems in Rebecca and you could tell before the holidays that he was deeply concerned about her. That is so typical of many adoptees&#8211;because of the trauma we&#8217;ve been through, we have an extremely tender heart for those that are hurting.</p> <p>As the episode unfolded, not only did we see his tender heart but also the extremes he went to in order to gain entrance with a specialist. The doc said he texted her 48 times? And

<p>Your child&#8217;s potential is there, yet invisible. I like to think of each person as made in the image of God&#8211;body, soul, and spirit.  Just like the amaryllis, those gorgeous red blooms are developing deep within, yet when he/she comes to you, likely there will be no evidence because pre-adoption trauma keeps it suppressed. <br />          If you can see potential, I gently give this warning: if you rave about what you see in     your child, which may be filtered

<p>I’m going to ask you to do something in regard to your adopted child’s anger that will likely seem crazy, but hang tight&#8230;it will make sense after you read the prescription for helping your child process misplaced anger and find healing from pre-adoption loss. </p> <p>First, think  about your reaction to your child’s outbursts, rages, and rejections. Do these scare you? Do you wonder if you’re doing something wrong as a mom? Do you feel helpless and hopeless about how

<p>The following chart may come in handy over the holidays, as you will be attending family and public gatherings, where well-intentioned individuals might know your child is adopted, but are nervous about what to say to connect with your family or child.</p> <p>We all get nervous in different situations, but when nervousness concerns the topic of adoption and your child, hurtful remarks are often made, not necessarily out of a desire to hurt, but a desire to connect.</p>

<p>Adopted children feel different because they are different than you, biologically speaking. They are also different because of the way they became a part of your family. These are facts of life&#8211;facts you cannot change and facts you cannot fix. Your child is not the same as you, no matter how you slice it. But accepting, honoring, and appreciating her differences is a far cry from broadcasting them to the whole world. </p> <p>Modeling healthy boundaries will be a trea

<p>Envision a multi-dimensional circular, multi-colored feelings chart, including every emotion humans could ever experience. Such a chart reminds me of the diversity of reactions adoptees have about the emotion of anger in regard to being adopted. </p> <p>Some say they have no anger while others wonder if it’s a life sentence. Some say it’s not a struggle, while others secretly worry that it’s proof of a character defect. Some say it doesn’t exist, while others are overwhelm