Sherrie's Blog

<p>There&#8217;s a three-fold secret I discovered during the search for my first mother that may bring hope to discouraged adoptive and foster parents. Parents, I know the Marine-like challenge you&#8217;ve undertaken to parent a child through adoption. Sometimes, you&#8217;re on the verge of complete exhaustion or panicked about what is happening in your child&#8217;s life. [&hellip;]</p>

<p>November is Adoption Awareness Month and this is my offering, as controversial as it may be. This post contains the truths I&#8217;ve learned in seven plus decades of being an adopted person. I&#8217;ve used this art for many years, but I&#8217;d like to think that my updated version is still applicable to those touched by adoption.</p> <p>Back in the day, I envisioned adoption like the beautiful art you see above, created by my niece, Emily Eldridge. That was my faith int

<p>For an adopted child, the dance floor is the first mother’s womb, for there the unborn child gains a sense of belonging, a sensation of safety in the warm sack of water, and a sense of rhythm from the mother’s beating heart.</p> <p>These dance floor elements are what every child expects after birth&#8211;a continuation and amplification of the same life-defining dynamics she experienced prior to birth.</p> <p>However, if the dance floor changes through adoption, the child

<p>Who would ever guess that the honoring of adoptive parents of the first parents would open up the child&#8217;s love to receive unconditional love. Learn how it all happens here.</p>

<p>We Have a Unique Emotional Language. Sherry says that adoptees can “read” each other from just a few words or their body language, which she says makes adoptees feel like they belong to each other.</p>

<p>Just having found the paternal side of my first family, I know first-hand what it means to come from a painful history. My first father was a very broken man, now deceased, but leaving six children from six marriages in the wake. </p> <p>I am fairly convinced that my adoptive parents knew the back story, but it was never shared. I&#8217;m convinced, also, that the hospital where I was born knew the back story, for after multiple attempts to get my newborn hospital records,

<p>You will long to hold the child for the rest of your life and will wonder what he/she may have looked like when you see another’s child at the same age yours would have been. You will have lost not only an infant, but also a preschooler, a teenager, a young adult and your grandchildren.</p>

<p>“Understanding my adoption experience,” Richard says, “has allowed me to bring authenticity to my relationships with family, friends, and others in my life. I no longer hide my thoughts and feelings—the veil of secrecy has been lifted. People now get the real Richard since I’ve uncovered my past, understand how precious the present is, and perhaps have an idea of where I’m going and who’s going with me in the future. Perhaps these are the blessings I can also offer to othe

<p>Your child, at the appropriate age, can actually benefit from hearing painful information about his past because he will know that finally you are telling him the honest, gut-level truth. Kids are geniuses at detecting untruths. This giving of information doesn&#8217;t have so much to do with the truth about his past as it does with his relationship with you and with himself. He is learning to trust you at a deeper level and he is also developing self-esteem. He is possibl

<p>What comes to mind when you think about initiating a conversation with your child about his birth family? Do you feel defensive, like the birth family is the enemy to be avoided at all  costs? Do you feel sad, and does your lip begin to quiver at the thought of their possible presence in your child&#8217;s life? Do you fear your child will love them more than he loves you?</p> <p>If so, this section is especially for you.Kids are experts at reading body language. You can&#

<p>Fear and abandonment are inextricably woven together and tied into one big knot in the psyche and spirit of the adopted child.</p> <p>Think for a moment about the normal childhood fear of abandonment needing to be conquered by all of us. It is an illusion and not based on truth. However, for the adoptee, there is an added twist to the fear which makes it extremely difficult to overcome. The fear is not an illusion&#8211;it is a reality based on relinquishment from the birt

<p>I need parents who are willing to put aside preconceived notions about adoption and be educated about the realities of adoption and the special needs adoptive families face. (Proverbs 23:12, Proverbs 3: 13-14, Proverbs 3:5-6)<br /> I need my adoptive and birth parents to have a non-competitive attitude. Without this, I will struggle with loyalty issues. (Psalm 127:3)</p>

<p>Without a doubt, you know that an absolute miracle transpired in your heart when you adopted your child. Trying to describe it would be impossible, for it is like a million emotions exploding simultaneously—like fireworks! Debbie describes it well: If I had to pick just one moment of absolute, unadulterated joy it would be the [&hellip;]</p>

<p>Adoptees and foster kids must learn to guard their hearts through discernment and simultaneously learn the art of gradual self-disclosure. We need to find a healthy balance between the two, and that will occur as we learn to trust ourselves. Here are some tips that will help adoptees and foster kids find and trust safe people.</p>

<p>Parents, I know you and the fact that you&#8217;re reading this shows your heart. You would do anything to help your child come to terms with his/her first family. Here&#8217;s what you can do:</p> <p>Bring up the birth parents in conversation. &#8220;I wonder where you got that curly black hair. Do you think it could be from your birth mother?&#8221; This signals to your child that it&#8217;s okay to talk about the birth parents&#8230;in fact that you welcome the sharing

<p>Adoptive parents think they are giving us a great compliment with these words, but more than often, they wound. When well-meaning parents say, “We love you just like you’re our own,” their child may naturally wonder or hopefully ask, “Well, if I’m not your own, then whose am I? Where is my real family? Where do I belong? The parents’ statements often translate as “You’re really not our own. Almost, but not completely.”</p>

<p>Why do birth relatives reject some of us? Does our physical appearance remind our birth mothers of our fathers, whom they have no positive feelings for? Does seeing us trigger issues in them that they have never dealt with? Are they emotionally and mentally unbalanced? Or are they just downright mean?</p> <p>What does it mean to be rejected and how does it feel? Webster’s gives us a good start on understanding its basic message. “Refusing to have, take, or act upon. To ref

<p>So, I pulled the poor thing out of the pot, setting it on a nearby wagon. It seemed there was no hope, but it seemed worth a try.</p> <p>That evening, it rained like crazy and the next morning I went out to see the plant, thinking it was totally wiped out by the heavy rains.</p> <p>But, no! it&#8217;s leaves were popping up to the sky again.<br /> I couldn&#8217;t believe my eyes!</p>

<p>Sherrie couldn&#8217;t figure out why life&#8217;s circumstance felt like she was being painted into a corner. As a control freak, this was incredibly distressing. What she didn&#8217;t realize is that she was at the threshold of healing. A MRI of her adoptee heart clarified the diagnosis. </p>

<p>We Adoptees and foster kids have clung for decades to the validation of Nancy Verrier, author of The Primal Wound. But why? She is an adoptive mom and her perspective is oh so different than that of an adoptee. Are adoptees willing to move out of the :self valida</p>