Sherrie's Blog

<p><!-- wp:paragraph --></p> <p>Imagine an adoptive mom hiding behind a velvet curtain backstage in the world of adoption. She’s wrapped in that curtain, but why?&nbsp;&nbsp;</p> <p><!-- /wp:paragraph --></p> <p><!-- wp:paragraph --></p> <p>What if we went behind the curtains and led her center stage? Without a doubt, the mom would resist the spotlight. The spotlight is repugnant, for she darn well doesn’t need any more comments about how brave and special she is to take on c

<p><!-- wp:paragraph --></p> <p>Without a doubt, your level of fatigue is off the charts and I don’t want you to feel like these 20 strategies are one more thing you must do. Far from it. Read a few pages, or even just one, even if you have to seclude yourself from screaming kids in the bathroom.</p> <p><!-- /wp:paragraph --></p> <p><!-- wp:paragraph --></p> <p>I promise to meet you there but I must warn you that this book will not be a feel-good read. No warm fuzzies or hear

<p><!-- wp:paragraph --></p> <p>&nbsp;When a mom is suffering compassion fatigue, she <em>can&#8217;t stop </em>trying to help her child. It&#8217;s like banging her head against a brick wall. It hurts, but she can&#8217;t stop. This is called repetition compulsion.</p> <p><!-- /wp:paragraph --></p> <p><!-- wp:paragraph --></p> <p>This mom may say, &#8220;If I try again, surely my child will respond.&#8221; And so, these moms operate out of fear. <em>What if I can&#8217;t mee

<p>When your child connects with you for the first time, he brings with him all the “faces” of other moms that were in your role before. So, if your child is a newborn, it is the first mom’s face. If a school-age child removed to foster care, the first mom’s face. If a teen coming from multiple failed placements, she sees all the mom faces before her.</p>

<p>Randall was the first to notice memory problems in Rebecca and you could tell before the holidays that he was deeply concerned about her. That is so typical of many adoptees&#8211;because of the trauma we&#8217;ve been through, we have an extremely tender heart for those that are hurting.</p> <p>As the episode unfolded, not only did we see his tender heart but also the extremes he went to in order to gain entrance with a specialist. The doc said he texted her 48 times? And

<p>Your child&#8217;s potential is there, yet invisible. I like to think of each person as made in the image of God&#8211;body, soul, and spirit.  Just like the amaryllis, those gorgeous red blooms are developing deep within, yet when he/she comes to you, likely there will be no evidence because pre-adoption trauma keeps it suppressed. <br />          If you can see potential, I gently give this warning: if you rave about what you see in     your child, which may be filtered

<p>Envision a multi-dimensional circular, multi-colored feelings chart, including every emotion humans could ever experience. Such a chart reminds me of the diversity of reactions adoptees have about the emotion of anger in regard to being adopted. </p> <p>Some say they have no anger while others wonder if it’s a life sentence. Some say it’s not a struggle, while others secretly worry that it’s proof of a character defect. Some say it doesn’t exist, while others are overwhelm

<p>There&#8217;s a three-fold secret I discovered during the search for my first mother that may bring hope to discouraged adoptive and foster parents. Parents, I know the Marine-like challenge you&#8217;ve undertaken to parent a child through adoption. Sometimes, you&#8217;re on the verge of complete exhaustion or panicked about what is happening in your child&#8217;s life. [&hellip;]</p>

<p>November is Adoption Awareness Month and this is my offering, as controversial as it may be. This post contains the truths I&#8217;ve learned in seven plus decades of being an adopted person. I&#8217;ve used this art for many years, but I&#8217;d like to think that my updated version is still applicable to those touched by adoption.</p> <p>Back in the day, I envisioned adoption like the beautiful art you see above, created by my niece, Emily Eldridge. That was my faith int

<p>For an adopted child, the dance floor is the first mother’s womb, for there the unborn child gains a sense of belonging, a sensation of safety in the warm sack of water, and a sense of rhythm from the mother’s beating heart.</p> <p>These dance floor elements are what every child expects after birth&#8211;a continuation and amplification of the same life-defining dynamics she experienced prior to birth.</p> <p>However, if the dance floor changes through adoption, the child

<p>Who would ever guess that the honoring of adoptive parents of the first parents would open up the child&#8217;s love to receive unconditional love. Learn how it all happens here.</p>

<p>Just having found the paternal side of my first family, I know first-hand what it means to come from a painful history. My first father was a very broken man, now deceased, but leaving six children from six marriages in the wake. </p> <p>I am fairly convinced that my adoptive parents knew the back story, but it was never shared. I&#8217;m convinced, also, that the hospital where I was born knew the back story, for after multiple attempts to get my newborn hospital records,

<p>You will long to hold the child for the rest of your life and will wonder what he/she may have looked like when you see another’s child at the same age yours would have been. You will have lost not only an infant, but also a preschooler, a teenager, a young adult and your grandchildren.</p>

<p>“Understanding my adoption experience,” Richard says, “has allowed me to bring authenticity to my relationships with family, friends, and others in my life. I no longer hide my thoughts and feelings—the veil of secrecy has been lifted. People now get the real Richard since I’ve uncovered my past, understand how precious the present is, and perhaps have an idea of where I’m going and who’s going with me in the future. Perhaps these are the blessings I can also offer to othe

<p>Your child, at the appropriate age, can actually benefit from hearing painful information about his past because he will know that finally you are telling him the honest, gut-level truth. Kids are geniuses at detecting untruths. This giving of information doesn&#8217;t have so much to do with the truth about his past as it does with his relationship with you and with himself. He is learning to trust you at a deeper level and he is also developing self-esteem. He is possibl

<p>I need parents who are willing to put aside preconceived notions about adoption and be educated about the realities of adoption and the special needs adoptive families face. (Proverbs 23:12, Proverbs 3: 13-14, Proverbs 3:5-6)<br /> I need my adoptive and birth parents to have a non-competitive attitude. Without this, I will struggle with loyalty issues. (Psalm 127:3)</p>

<p>Without a doubt, you know that an absolute miracle transpired in your heart when you adopted your child. Trying to describe it would be impossible, for it is like a million emotions exploding simultaneously—like fireworks! Debbie describes it well: If I had to pick just one moment of absolute, unadulterated joy it would be the [&hellip;]</p>

<p>Adoptees and foster kids must learn to guard their hearts through discernment and simultaneously learn the art of gradual self-disclosure. We need to find a healthy balance between the two, and that will occur as we learn to trust ourselves. Here are some tips that will help adoptees and foster kids find and trust safe people.</p>

<p>Parents, I know you and the fact that you&#8217;re reading this shows your heart. You would do anything to help your child come to terms with his/her first family. Here&#8217;s what you can do:</p> <p>Bring up the birth parents in conversation. &#8220;I wonder where you got that curly black hair. Do you think it could be from your birth mother?&#8221; This signals to your child that it&#8217;s okay to talk about the birth parents&#8230;in fact that you welcome the sharing

<p>Adoptive parents think they are giving us a great compliment with these words, but more than often, they wound. When well-meaning parents say, “We love you just like you’re our own,” their child may naturally wonder or hopefully ask, “Well, if I’m not your own, then whose am I? Where is my real family? Where do I belong? The parents’ statements often translate as “You’re really not our own. Almost, but not completely.”</p>